You might be wondering why I chose the title Motherhood vs Womanhood. What about dads and fatherhood? Don’t worry — I’ll write a blog about that one day too. But today, the spotlight is on you, women. This post isn’t about shaming fathers; it’s about uplifting all the mothers out there.
Motherhood is a beautiful and challenging milestone, but one of the biggest challenges I see with the moms I work with is this: what happened to womanhood?
Womanhood…what does that even mean?
Think about who you were before becoming a mom. Who did you spend your time with? What did you do in your spare time? What were your dreams and goals? Now, think about the version of yourself that emerged after entering motherhood. Sure, there are probably wonderful parts you grew into but there’s also a part that many moms neglect.
Who are you outside of being a mom?
We prioritize our kids all the time, and in most cases, I completely agree that’s important. But as a therapist, I also see times when this constant self-sacrifice isn’t serving anyone — not even your children. Many parents hope their kids will put themselves first, advocate for themselves, try new things… but moms, let me ask you: do you do that for yourself?
And I know what you’re going to say: “There’s no time for that anymore.”
I say this with the kindest part of myself: lies. There is always time, the problem is how you’re prioritizing it.
We normalize mothers giving up their hobbies, friendships, and social lives… but why? Ask yourself: if you watched your adult child live their life the way you live yours now, without hobbies, without friends, without joy outside of work and family, how would that make you feel? Heartbroken, right?
Then why would it be different for them? Kids model what they see. If we stop living fully ourselves, we teach them to do the same. So when are we going to break that cycle?
Parental burnout and reclaiming yourself
Many families struggle with relational issues with their children and teens. One of the biggest underlying causes? Parental burnout. When parents are depleted, disconnected, and overextended, the whole family feels it.
I remember asking a mom I was working with about her, what she enjoys, what lights her up, what she does just for herself. Every response she gave was about taking care of her kids, her spouse, or the home. Even when we talked about socializing, it was always with other “moms,” and the conversation revolved around their kids.
When I gently pressed and asked about things she enjoys, activities she does as a woman, for herself, there was nothing. Silence.
And that broke my heart.
Because this is so common. Mothers pour everything into their family and home, but forget to pour into themselves. When that part of you goes quiet for too long, it doesn’t just affect you, it affects everyone around you. Reclaiming yourself is not selfish, it’s essential to being the mom you want to be.
Let’s normalize Mom Time
Your kids have hockey on Tuesdays, piano on Sundays, okay! Now let’s normalize this: dad has his activity on Wednesdays, mom has hers on Thursdays. Let your kids see you having fun. Let them see you with friends, hobbies, and passions.
A lot of people today are choosing not to have children and that’s okay. Everyone has their reasons. But when someone says it’s because they don’t want to give up their life, it hits differently. It’s sad because it shouldn’t have to be that way. Why did we normalize this? Has it always been like this? Why? Let’s reclaim yourself!
It’s about perspective and intention. Finances, transportation, time, yes, there are practical challenges, but those are excuses, not reasons. It’s about priorities.
At Tutum Counselling, a big part of what we do is parent work. We help parents explore ways to reconnect with themselves, set boundaries, and reclaim joy outside of the parenting role. If private counselling isn’t feasible right now, there are still options. You can access support through Access Mental Health.
